


A smile to preserve

by Subaruchan192



Series: Barisi Comfort [1]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Men Crying, Sadness, Self-Doubt, supportive Rafael, supportive boyfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:47:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24201556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Subaruchan192/pseuds/Subaruchan192
Summary: When Rafael comes home, he finds Sonny crying on he couch, depressed by a case he lost and being talked down by Hadid for screwing it up. Sonny doubts himself and if he is good enough for being a lawyer. Rafael comforts him and tries to restore his faith in him.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Series: Barisi Comfort [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2028056
Comments: 16
Kudos: 71





	A smile to preserve

**Author's Note:**

> So, my boss ranted for five minutes straight about how stupid I am in front of all my coworkers and I wished, I could be comforted by Rafael. This is why I wrote this little scene.

When Rafael came back home, the night had already fallen over New York, covering it in a blanket of darkness, which only was interrupted by the artificial light humanity created to keep the danger and fear away.

The penthouse was quiet and dark, when he rested down his briefcase and hung up his coat, which was still damp from the light drizzle outside. For a moment, he looked into the mirror and ran a hand through his short hair to comb it back in place extemporary.

The sound of a quiet sniff reached out to him through the silence and made him stop his movements.

“Sonny?”, he asked concerned into the wide, open space of his penthouse and the silence felt like a tide, which rushed threateningly through the floor. His throat suddenly became dry and tight, while he licked his lips. “Cariño, are you home?”

He still hoped, he had misheard. That it was just Elizabeth mewing in her sleep, but his heart clenched, when no answer came and an uneasy feeling begin to rise in his stomach. Another little sob reached his ear and it definitely was Sonny. Alarmed, Rafael turned around on his heels and hurried down the hall, trying to locate the origin.

The sight of what he found froze the blood inside his veins. Sonny sat curled up against the lean of their couch, his legs pulled tightly up in front of his chest and his head resting on his knees.

“Sonny…”, Rafael whispered as he sat down next to him and wrapped him tightly into his arms. “Cariño, what’s wrong? What happened?”

“Montgomery walked.”, Sonny’s voice was strained and tight, while he sniffed and immediately snuggled deeper into him, searching for his warmth and the comfort of his calmness. “I screwed up, Rafa, I screwed up so bad. I tried my best, but it wasn’t good enough. _I_ wasn’t good enough and because of it, Lydia still has to live in that hell.”

 _Child abuse_. Rafael knew that those were the hardest. A lot must happen, until a child looked at a foreigner with its big, wide eyes, who should have been full of innocence, dreams and hopes, and begged to save them, to take them away from the father. Lydia had been one of those girls, who had come to the precinct on her own, but there was no evidence for her abuse despite her testimony. Apparently, the little girl’s plea hadn’t been enough to convict the father and get her out of it.

Rafael closed his eyes and rested his chin onto his head, holding him tight to his heart as he pressed, compassionate kiss against his temples. He knew that moment would have to come. It always did and he had been there many times before. Sitting alone in the dark, only accompanied by doubts.

“Hadid was so mad with me.”, Sonny continued as if he hadn’t heard him. His voice quivered from the weight of his tears. “She called me down in front of everybody. What an amateur I was. That I should have stayed with the cops.”

“I’m so sorry.”, he whispered, knowing all too well, how he must feel in this moment. “I’m sure you did everything you could.”

“But what if she’s right? What if I’m not good enough.” Sonny inhaled shakily and his entire body trembled, while Rafael only waited and listened to whatever he needed to get off his chest and soul in this moment. “Maybe, I’m not suited for being a lawyer. Maybe, I don’t have what it takes.”

“That’s not true.”, Rafael said calmly and determinedly, his voice leaving no doubt behind that this was a truth he carried inside his heart. The sob, which was about to escape him died into a gurgle and he looked up and the blue of his eyes swam from the tears. Rafael reached out and cupped his cheek, his thumb tenderly brushing the tears away. “You have everything that it takes. You have the mind.”

Tenderly, Rafael brushed over his temple with the back of his fingers. The normally kind, soft eyes only looked him, the iris shivering with all that today had brought to the surface.

“The heart.” He rested his hand onto Sonny’s chest. His heart beat fast, too fast, like a fragile, scared hummingbird, which tried to escape. Sonny lowered his gaze and he lifted a hand slowly, resting his hand on Rafael’s as if he wanted to make sure it truly rested there and this was, what Rafael saw in him. Rafael smiled compassionately as he looked up with tender eyes, his free hand covering Sonny’s cheek.

“And you have the guts to stand up against everything for the victim.” Rafael moved their joined hands down to his stomach, while his thumb rubbed over the back of his hand. “You have everything within you, what you need to excel in this job, cariño. The only thing you need is a bit more experience.”

He placed a soft kiss to Sonny’s knuckles.

“Give yourself a bit more time, mi amor, and everything is going to be fine.” Green eyes, wise and old as a forest, looked into the ancient, troubled water of Sonny’s oceans. He tried to smile in this kind, compassionate way that Sonny normally greeted the world with. The one, which was so encouraging as it was disarming. The smile, which had conquered Rafael’s heart by storm no matter how hard he tried to defended it. He hoped, he could smile as beautifully as Sonny was in his eyes.

Slowly, the dark clouds on Sonny’s face scattered a little and the expression became softer. Faith returned into his eyes and his spirit into his soul.

“Yes, you’ve lost this time.”, Rafael said slowly and he saw, how his smile fell, but this here was necessary for true comfort. He had to restore something, which had been shattered inside Sonny’s heart today. “Sadly, we cannot always save everyone. No matter how hard we try, but you’re too kind and try save the world. No matter how heavy its weight might be on your shoulders. You, mi amor, truly are the kindest of persons in this gruesome place. It’s your strongest weapon and yet, your greatest burden.”

Sonny widened his eyes in surprise, overwhelmed by the sudden openness that Rafael showed. Rafael’s smile never disappeared, faltered or lost any of the love shining within it as he ran the back of his fingers along Sonny’s beautiful face.

“You might not be a prosecutor as Hadid or one like I was, but there is nothing wrong about that and there’s absolutely nothing you’re lacking of.” The kiss he placed onto his lips was soft and warm and then tenderly brushed their noses together, until he could feel how a smile spread over Sonny’s face. “You just have to find your own way.”

“Thank you, Rafa.”, Sonny whispered and he sounded relieved. As if Rafael was able to give him the faith of himself back and that was something Rafael would love to do. While Sonny settled himself back into his arms, this time for snuggling and not in search for comfort, Rafael looked out into the night, which was their world and silently, he vowed that he was going to give Sonny every piece of strength he needed to preserve the light, which rested inside of him. No matter how often Sonny would cry, when he lost another battle to give justice to those, who had suffered, he would be there and hold him tight, until he smiled again. 

**Author's Note:**

> I know it isn't much. I just needed to get this off my chest. Maybe, a few of you liked it.


End file.
